Yuri the Santa Barbarian: 2011

Step 1. Buy a can of refried beans and some monterey jack cheese, because you realised that there is the world's largest can of pickled jalapenos in the pantry. Also buy round tortilla chips because you remember a tasty toasty treat of chip, refrieds, a jalapeno round and some cheese, under the broiler. Easy husband activity, tasty dinner treat.
Step 2. Run late at work, buy a 'rotary chicken' at the supermarket on the way home, because heck, chicken is good.
Step 3. Put beans into pan on the stove; put in a cup of water and clear out the sink, because the beans are not going to get stirred and they will stick. Take cup of tea to husband with mission assignment to distract 15 month old berserker.
Step 4. Get out the cuisinart, because last time the grater ended up bloody. Get the shredding blade out and assemble the machine. Throw in a block of cheese.
Step 5. Throw out shredded cheese with dead bugs in it and wash the cuisinart, blades and bowl.
Step 6. Put some beans in a small bowl, in another put some chicken bits pulled off the chicken. Persuade husband to feed 15 mo berserker - watch amused as he smears beans up to his ears and giggles at chicken.
Step 7. Throw half an onion into the cuisinart, because that will go well on the nachos. Throw in a red cabbage, because it was there. Pretend it was part of the plan. Notice that the jalapenos are not in fact slices, but whole. Pretend that was also part of the plan. Taunt husband with the carrots in escabeche that surround the jalapenos. Let him eat some, but keep an eye on those fingers around little berserker.
Step 8. Turn off the beans. Don't stir too much, or the burnt bits at the bottom will escape into the main bit. Abandon tasty treat idea; it's fun microDIY nachos night!
Step 9. Run bath, put all dinner parts in bowls, get out a couple of plates.
Step 10. Bathe the mad toddler - discuss the finer points of hair washing, splashing, ducks, frogs, and get husband on task with mixing up some margaritas out of whatever is in the bar.
Step 11. Discover dirty dishes in oven. Take first two half-empty bags of chips down from the cabinet. Prep the allergy medicines.
Step 12. Listen to Go Dog Go, and Fuzzy Fur Feet, while nebulizing a toddler... for 30+ minutes. Maintain absolute silence while Mike soothes Yuri to sleep; try not to pass out.
Step 13. Put down a layer of chips on a plate. Load it up with chicken, refried beans, onion, cheese, jalapenos. Stick it in the microwave.
Step 14. Stare mystified at shredded cabbage. Also wonder at Mike having cleaned the cuisinart thingy. Properly. Accept margarita.
Step 15. Eat a wonderful nutritious meal a few hours later than is really reasonable.